My family and I went to Aunt Noumea’s place on Sunday to have a decent dinner with my Mom’s relatives. My baby cousin, Manson, had been behaving badly that night. He spat at a bowl of prawns.
As a consequence, that brat got punished and he cried. BOO HOO.
When Uncle Albert asked about my Maths grades, I so wanted to hide and cry in a corner because I suck and the HKDSE (a.k.a. Hong Kong Diploma of Secondary Education Exam)is scaring me to death and I don’t want to face it.
I jogged for a while with Mom yesterday. My domestic helper, RanJuan joined in the middle of our moment. I could tell my Mom was a wee bit shocked and displeased because she I and wanted to spend some quality time together but we just can’t shoo people away, right?
Today is probably the best day of my life. Yep, Howe’s involved!
On my way to meet up with Howe, a bush almost caught fire but I extinguished it with my water bottle. Nobody was watching. I know it was silly but I felt like I was a heroine. This explained my upbeat mood early in the morning.
Howe’s leaving on Friday and we decided to eat out at a Thai restaurant at Flora Plaza. We talked about almost everything. I asked him how he and his girlfriend were doing and he told me they had broken up since summer. Of course, I felt triumphant and jolly because he is now back on the market again but at the same time I was very concerned as Howe’s the best male I’ve ever met and I feared that the split would somehow harm or have an impact on him. Turned out he was totally fine with it as he said the past was in the past and that people should look forward. After all, they were only playing around and his ex never actually gave him an assured reply when Howe asked her if she would like to be with him.
I haven’t talked with that girl before so I can’t say she’s bad but breaking up with Howe is no doubt the hugest mistake.
Howe hasn’t changed much. He’s still the charming guy he was. The only thing that’s wee bit different is that he’s become more open. I’m not saying he welcomes sex like an open door but he wrapped his arm around my shoulder when we strolled the park. He patted my head a few times despite its greasiness and played with my hair when he thought I wasn’t paying attention but I did, actually. He stroked the back of my neck and rested his head on my shoulder sitting on a bench with a bunch of old men in the park. He didn’t do these things the last time we had lunch back in summer and I’m glad about the change. He even did the yawn-and-grab thing but he eliminated the yawning part and escalated to the grabbing right away and didn’t move his hand for like the most of the time sitting and chatting.
When he asked about my love life, I couldn’t find the courage and bravery to talk about it because the heartthrob of my life was sitting right in front of me at the cafe and talking about my crushes with him just didn’t sound appealing and interesting to me. Maybe it’s because he’s my crush? Anyways, I gave him details of Joe -the 23-year-old Aquarian whom I met via Omegle– and I quickly regretted it because Howe and I might stand a chance and bringing Joe up was a major turnoff.
We walked to the train station together to go back to our separate homes. I didn’t want our time to end and never had I wished time to stand still so much in my entire life. I wish we could walk closely with our elbow constantly bumping each other’s and talk about silly things forever. Every step closer to the station filled my body with dead weight and dread. When it was time to leave, we wrapped each other in the tightest embrace like our lives depended on it. I just hope nobody paid attention because showing physical affection at a young age is frowned upon in Hong Kong. Not letting me go yet, he kissed my forehead and I could actually feel the moisture of his lips with one of his hands cupping either the back of my neck or my cheek. I didn’t dare open my eyes because if I opened them, it would be a sign that we need to get our hands off each other and walk separate ways. When he was about to disappear into the crowd, I called him over to give him a passionate peck on his cheek. My imagination told me I crushed his teeth. He giggled and grinned and waddled off before waving at me.
I almost sobbed on my way home because I missed him already. I scolded myself for being extremely immobile and cold and awkward the whole time. I should have given him response like hugging him back when he gave me a bear hug in the beginning or put my hand on his waist. When he laid his head on my shoulder, I should rest mine on his head, as well. This time I made sure myself to hug him till he couldn’t breathe when we parted but I wasn’t prepared for his friendly gestures. I should be because I’m very wild, open and casual. I just hope I didn’t make Howe think I don’t like him and his hugs because I like him and them very much.
I hope he didn’t feel grossed when I gave him a peck on the cheek. Surprisingly, his skin was smooth and soft to the touch, while my lips were dry and chapped. I should have applied some lipsalve on my mouth.
I bought some refillable tapes for my correction pen before heading home. When I was on the streets, nobody wanted to approach me and they parted for me to go through because I kind of radiated desolation, grief and forlornness after fate has separated me from Howe. I couldn’t focus on my work at home as today’s parting has drained all my life source.
I asked Chloe for advice on what to say to Howe because I thought I was over him and he was only my best friend and brother but frankly, I haven’t let him go and my heart still wants him badly. I’m really not sure about what’s in his mind. I don’t want to be specific. Instead, I want to give him subtle hints so that if my indirect confession failed, we could still be the best of siblings. Chloe thinks that he likes me because of his welcoming physical affections. However, she doesn’t know that Howe’s pretty flirty and it’s awfully common in the UK to treat friends that way.
So this is my pathetic love life, Howe. I don’t even know if it is accurate to name the thing between us romance.
At least I got to spend the last moments before the end of 2014 with a guy I genuinely love.
I just hope life gets better tomorrow because I still have tons of schoolwork waiting for me and I have to take the finals next week. I spent nearly a whole day with him since he said he had got a whole day. We agreed that homework and tests and exams are insignificant as they really can’t show us how smart we are, instead they only mirror your diligence and your memorizing skills.
School’s not the most important thing in the world. I value my time with Howe more important than doing my work. I know I will have to make up for lost time sooner or later but
Some infinities are bigger than other infinities.
The Petty Perceiver 