The moment of Howe giving me a kiss on my forehead is still playing in my mind…
I’ve done some research on what Scorpio guys look for in a woman. Every man loves damsels in distress. Saving them gives men a triumphant and heroic feeling. Instead of wanting a dependent company, a Scorpio like Howe wants a dame of uniqueness who can conquer the evil with him and aid him in stressful scenarios. Scorpio males are ridiculously humorous (it’s true! I’ve had a few Scorpio guy friends and they are hilarious and awesome. Howe’s amazing!) and they like girls who appreciate their humour and can withstand their sarcastic and witty comments.
As I recalled, Howe and I somehow ended up wandering around an old playground and we decided to let us be kids again. He balanced himself on columns and I went for the fireman pole. I was carrying a medium sized backpack and I got stuck sliding down the stupid pole. My backpack refused to budge. With tons of people milling around (the playground’s next to a busy bus terminus and a local wet market) and my fear of heights, I freaked out. Well, I didn’t shriek like a wild animal but I desperately needed help. I called Howe over. With one push to my idiot backpack, I began to descend. I didn’t fall because I wrapped my limbs tightly around the pillar for the sake of my life. He caught and steadied me by putting his hands on my shoulder and I appreciated that.
Howe has a younger sister and he knows how to take care of people, especially young girls. He didn’t grin when he was rescuing me. Neither the time he grabbed hold of my elbow when I was climbing the stairs with him on our summer date. I almost tripped over them for staring at his fathomless windows to his soul for far longer than an accidental glance.
He’s a serious man of wisdom, love, care and emotions.
Who would smile to the fact when your company is on the verge to get hurt?
I’ve always wanted to help him but he’s older and smarter than me so I really can’t help Howe much as he’s so independent and he knows a lot of things. All I’ve ever done is constantly seeking assistance and attention from him and being the proactive one who takes charge of countless texting messages. At times I ponder if he views me as someone who is annoying as a pest and vulnerable as a squawking infant. I want to be neither. I want to be seen as his courageous partner.
This is so outrageously frustrating. I can’t provide him what he wants. Instead, I’m causing him inconvenience and making him dislike me even more! I can’t afford that but frankly I have been investing my money into letting him drift away and putting my effort and emotions in jeopardy.
I think it is necessary to remind myself that I still have other serious matters to worry about, such as the dreadful schoolwork and the deadly finals.
Oh, today’s 1 January. Happy New Year to me, my beloved friends, family and teachers and to whoever is reading this crappy blog entry. You’re awesome and cool. I wish you had fun in New Year’s Eve.
I wonder how’s Joe doing…
Chloe phoned me last night (or early morning) to celebrate and because she felt so damn lonely and we chatted from 12 a.m. to 3 in the morning. I also was involved in a text marathon with Howe at the same time. My parents came to my room several times to tell me to sleep but I begged them with big googly eyes and used celebrating the new year as a pathetic excuse. To be honest, I don’t feel festive at all. All I wanted was for someone to spend the beginning of a lousy new year and yeah a friend who I can confide with my thoughts. I asked Chloe for opinions on Howe and talked about other things and her stupidity and ignorance made me laugh like a hyena despite the fact the my parents were sleeping soundly next to my bedroom. It was hard to lower my volume but I somehow managed to do so. I really, really appreciate Chloe’s heartwarming company. She’s my bestie for life.
Gabrielle’s my girl, too but she’s returned to her mansion in Mainland China for the holiday. I missed her.
Howe was drunk and he didn’t come back home till 1 in the morning. I took advantage of his drunkenness and flirted with him, saying that I was high, as well, so that he wouldn’t think I was being seriously romantic but in fact I was.
Sad, huh?
Whatever. Despite the tragedies and lots of forlorn things in 2014 and the poor beginning of a new year, I still look forward in living the best of 2015 and do what I love and be with people I care. Cheers to the start of another epic and adventurous journey.
Am gonna write my New Year’s Resolution at night.
The Petty Perceiver 